We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
