My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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