google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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