Apparently you make a good broom.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
