do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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