she was so not down for the gang bang
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
