I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
