i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
