I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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