New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
