Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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