It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
