How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Randomize
