you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
