It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
