so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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