my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
