Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
