I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
