it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
