It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
