Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
