Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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