Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
