so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
