Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
