weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
