I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
