you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
We got so high we made milksteak
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
