I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
