You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
