Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
