she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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