I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
