I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
