Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
