Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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