I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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