If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My ass is underappreciated
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
