You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
