i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
