Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just want nice things and good sex
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
