If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
