Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
