The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
this just has baby written all over it
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
