Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
