My room smells like vodka and shame
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
