Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
