It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
