your room smells of hookers.
And success
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
