I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
