Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
