You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
